Handling or better yet preventing inappropriate behaviors can feel overwhelming when you’re trying to get through the day and help your teen achieve goals. While we know our autistic teens may struggle with communication, sensory issues, transitions and changes in routine, we need strategies to deal with difficult behavior.

School can bring the stress of learning, homework, peer relationships and sensory overload. The transition to high school brings a lot of changes and adjustment. The hormones and body changes of puberty affect their emotions and behavior. Be sure to prepare your teen for what to expect. We will be adding articles about sexuality, dating and relationships to the Milestones Autism Planning (MAP) Tool later in 2022.

Understanding Meltdowns

Understanding the sensory issues that cause autistic people to experience higher intensity sound, touch, light/seeing, smell or taste can help you watch for what may set off a meltdown. A meltdown is an overwhelming emotional outburst and behaviors caused by an inability to communicate. It comes from a teen’s inability to self-regulate, which means the ability to handle emotions and behaviors in a given situation. A meltdown happens when a teen has been over-stimulated, often with one or more of their senses intensely overloaded. The teen is too burnt out to keep going.

Everyone needs a way to communicate and share their feelings and needs. Many autistic teens have challenges with social skills and finding the right words to say in conversation. They tend to be more literal in how they express their thoughts.

For those who are nonverbal, they may use gestures like pointing at something they want, shaking their head yes or no, or when those gestures fail, they may have a meltdown as a way to share what they’re feeling.

Teens may express frustration in different ways when they can’t communicate it clearly. We outline here a process and strategies you can use along with seeking support from the Milestones free autism Helpdesk and professionals.

The Process

The first step is to figure out why your teen is behaving the way they are. Think about what happens before, during and after a difficult situation to help you understand what causes the behavior.

First, focus on what happens right before the behavior. This is your clue as to why they are behaving that way. And a first step to figuring out what to do to change that behavior.

Watch your teen at home and ask their teacher, intervention specialist or therapist what is happening when they are with your teen. Are there changes in routine, interactions with classmates or things happening at certain times or places? Is the behavior you’re concerned about happening in those other settings with other people?

Talk to your teen’s doctor or dentist to see if a medical condition may be contributing. For example, covering their mouth because of a toothache or covering their ears because they have ear pain from an ear infection. Are there dietary or GI (gastrointestinal) issues that could be contributing? The Co-existing Conditions page provides more information about various physical and mental health conditions.

Once a medical reason has been ruled out, you will want to figure out the reason for the behavior.

Different Strategies Can Help with Different Situations

If you think a sensory issue such as bright lights, loud sound, taste of their toothpaste or the smell of the shampoo you’re using, try to address it by changing or removing the sensory overload problem item or issue.

Rule out the most obvious issues like sensory or medical before thinking about how to respond to the behaviors.

Help your teen identify when they're getting overwhelmed so they start to build that self-awareness and teach them coping strategies. Teach them to ask for help when something is difficult.

Getting Help from School

It’s easiest to access behavioral services from your school rather than outside agencies or providers from 14 years old on. So discuss it with school as soon as possible if you are dealing with challenging behaviors.

You can include goals and strategies for challenging behaviors and sensory issues in your teen’s Individualized Education Program (IEP). In addition your teen can have a Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP) at school. To get one you would need to request a Functional Behavioral Assessment (FBA).

Tips for Changing Behavior

Give your teen different choices to give them a sense of control and to learn to make decisions. Or if there are things you need to do, offer them a choice of what order you will do them if you have that flexibility.

If their behavior is to gain attention, teach appropriate ways to get attention and ignore them when they’re trying to get your attention the wrong way. Try to replace the behavior with something more appropriate.

Preparing for School and Activities

If the behavior happens with a new activity, place or people consider that autistic teens often struggle with or don’t seek out new activities. New can be challenging. Before each school year or an activity starts, visit the classroom or activity location when it’s less busy so your teen can get a feel for what it is like. Prepare your teen for new activities and experiences with what to expect, using approaches like social stories or online videos.

Preparing and practicing before an activity could include going to a matinee or shop at a quieter time to build that routine, depending on your circumstances and schedule. Make it fit your life and schedule.

Get Help For Harmful Behaviors

If your teen’s behaviors might be of harm to themselves or others it’s important to act on it as soon as possible, especially as they will be growing into adulthood size. Get a behaviorist involved and have a safety plan for anyone in your teen’s vicinity or your household. These behaviors can get criminal as they get older if police are called as they can be considered domestic violence. It’s important to teach your child how to interact with the police. See more information and tips in the Safety in the Community and Safety at Home and Emergency Planning articles in the MAP.

We Are Here to Help

The Milestones Challenging Behaviors Tool Kit provides insights to understand and address problem behaviors. Contact the Milestones Helpdesk for information or book an Individual or Family Consultation to help you make a customized action plan based on your unique needs.

See the Education and Life and Social Skills sections of the MAP for more information about those topics.

If behaviors continue and are more severe, consider consulting with your school team as well as a specialist who can help you further assess the reasons for the behavior and develop a behavior plan. Specialists include a Board-Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA), Speech and Language Pathologist, Developmental Pediatrician or Psychologist. BCBAs specialize in Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) which is the science of human behavior. Utilizing specific approaches, they will assess and analyze a behavior and then develop a treatment plan. For more information on ABA or to find a local BCBA, visit the BACB website or contact the Milestones Helpdesk.