Life & Social Skills

Life & Social Skills

Ages: 22+

Social Communications Skills and Strategies for Life

Social Communications Skills and Strategies for Life

Finding the social communication approaches that work for you will help you express what you care about and need. Improving your communication skills can help you in your relationships at whatever level you want. Communication supports you wherever you are at work, home and in the community.

Sometimes it may feel stressful to figure out how to communicate with neurotypical people and understand their facial expressions and body language. It can be confusing when people speak quickly and use vague expressions like “It’s raining cats and dogs.” Figurative or jargon speech may be challenging as autistic people may be more literal in how they express their thoughts.

Social skills groups and other therapy approaches may be helpful. The Milestones free autism Helpdesk is here to support you and connect you with resources. The Resource Center includes support groups and professionals as well.

Tips to Help You with Social Communication

Each autistic person has different needs, challenges and level of interest in communicating and having friendships with other people. Social skills and communication are important to be able to express yourself and form relationships at the level and nature you wish. Here are strategies to help.

Social skills groups with a speech therapist, psychologist, social worker or counselor who work with autistic adults help you practice. They can also help with dating and relationship skills. You can do this individually with a social worker or counselor (not just in a group).

Find social and recreational activities that interest you. Look for listings of activities you think would be fun to do online or on social media. You may find local calendars with activities and events, for example Milestones has an online calendar for Northeast Ohio.

Some people may not be able to access therapies for a variety of reasons. But there are other ways to work toward your goals. The Milestones Helpdesk can share ideas and connect you with resources.

If English is not your primary language, in medical settings, you can request an interpreter. Your private insurance may have interpreters for therapy appointments. You can also ask if a professional speaks your language.

Connect with other autistic adults who you can share experiences with and support each other. Online support groups can be helpful, but watch for whether the environment of each is right for you. The Milestones Self-Advocate Social Group offers a forum to connect and discuss issues important to you on the popular Discord platform as well as in-person events.

You can coach your family and friends to help you with your communication needs and skills. Share what you are working on and how they can support you. For example, you could tell your family that it is OK to interrupt you if you are going on and on too long about something. Agree on a phrase to use to tell you to stop that won’t hurt your feelings, like, “OK, thanks, got it [your name].”

Role playing can be helpful to practice having a conversation or before attending a social event whether with a family member or friend. If you’re comfortable, you might practice looking in a mirror or just talking it through by yourself.

Thinking about Your Sensory Issues

Many autistic people have sensory issues, meaning they experience higher or lower intensity sound, touch, light/seeing, smell or taste. Keep in mind your sensory issues when considering different activities or therapies. For example, if you’re sensitive to light or sound, is it an environment you are comfortable in or you could make accommodations or adaptations for. For example, if being in a therapist's office is difficult because of bright office lights you could you wear sunglasses. You could also ask if your therapist could dim the lights.

If your sensory issues make it difficult to effectively communicate, then you need to either understand or experiment with what modifications you could use to make social interactions easier. Before you go somewhere, think about what the environment might be like and what you could bring with you or do to help you deal with likely sensory issues.

The Managing Sensory Issues article in the Milestones Autism Planning (MAP) Tool has more information and tips. You may also find this Leisure Skills MAP article helpful for tips on finding activities that may provide social skill communication opportunities.

Milestones can help you find these resources through our Helpdesk or Individual or Family Consultations.

Communicating in the Different Aspects of Your Life

Keep in mind the ways to communicate with people in different aspects of your life. For example, you will be more formal with your landlord or your boss. You are unlikely to become friends with either of them, but it's important to have a friendly relationship. You will need to communicate clearly with them to get along well.

For your landlord if something breaks or you're not sure how something works, you will need to ask for things. When new neighbors move in it's nice to say hi and be friendly. You may or may not have a lot in common with them but it is good to get along so that you are considerate of each other with things like loud music.

Many people need help learning social skills and communication in the workplace. For example, how to communicate with your boss so you understand what work you need to get done. Feeling comfortable asking your boss for help if you do not understand something. Talking with your co-workers and understanding the culture of your workplace - meaning the way people communicate and behave with each other. You'll find more information in this Employment article in the MAP Tool.

Being polite is never inappropriate. If deciding between whether to be casual vs. more formal, always go to more formal anywhere, whether workplace or a social event. Use your highest form of politeness, including to people working as assistants, medical techs and cleaning staff.

Sensitive Conversations from Politics to Favorite Sports Teams

The reality of adult life is you’re going to have conversations about sensitive topics and environments. These discussions are all around us, whether at work, home, activities or literally walking down the street. You and your friends, family, roommates, co-workers and other people around you may feel strongly about things that matter to you and them.

In a place like work it can be helpful to avoid discussing politics, sports teams or religion if you don't agree or feel the way the people speaking do. Try to always be polite. For example you could say, "I'm glad the XYZ team won!" or "I'm happy for you." You don't need to pretend to support a political candidate or belief you don't agree with. In the workplace you don't want to have an argument or debate. So you could try to change the subject by bringing up another topic you think they'd find interesting or you can just go back to working or whatever activity is appropriate.

When people disagree it can be very uncomfortable or upsetting. There are some people who can have respectful discussions with people about issues like this without that level of tension but if you know that you feel strongly and they feel just as passionately with the opposite beliefs, you may find it easier not to discuss that topic.

If you're at home you could consider going to your room and doing something you enjoy or taking a walk if weather allows.

For Families with Adults Who Are More Impacted

Ensuring your loved one has ways to express themselves and communicate however is right for them will help them live in the least restrictive housing setting. Whether they are in congregate housing, a day program or you're considering options for their future, share how your loved one communicates in whatever way works for their needs and abilities.

There are lots of ways we communicate as humans. Nonverbal expressions like pointing at something you want, or shaking your head yes or no. A meltdown can be a sign of a breakdown in communication where the person didn’t feel like they were able to communicate their needs and wants. Assistive technology, communication devices or simple sign language can be helpful tools for autistic adults who are nonverbal or have limited verbal ability to communicate.

We believe everyone needs to have a method of communication. Without communication the result is frustration and challenging behaviors. Behavior is communication.

You can coach your family and friends to work on communication skills with your loved one. You can tell your family to be sure that when you say “Hi” or “Goodbye” that your autistic young adult says “Hi” or “Goodbye” to them.

Prepare (or prime) your loved one for what to expect and basics for how to handle an activity or situation. A helpful tool is a social story, which is a story with images that shows an activity or situation that you want to teach. You can also use videos like taking a video of something you want to teach with the steps involved.

Over time people develop and change at their own pace, so what they need evolves as do the kind of providers, activities and interests that will engage them and help them grow. Periodically consider and discuss with your loved one which are right for them and what their interests are.

These are strategies that can help build communication skills for loved ones who are more impacted. Finding ways to communicate what works for each person gives them a way to share what they need, want and feel.

  • Use visual supports such as picture charts or assistive devices if appropriate to help your loved one practice social communication. For example, picture charts showing photos of different fruits or activities to help your loved one express what they want to eat or do. Autistic people are often visual learners and respond well to visuals. For more information, check out the Milestones Visual Supports Tool Kit.

  • When you’re doing different activities you can tell your loved one what you are doing to help them learn. Let them know where you are planning to go and to set expectations for what they can and can’t do.

  • Talk regularly with your loved one even if they do not speak. Having a conversation even though it is more one-sided can help engage and teach them.

share this page