Learning How to Be Alone or Live on Your Own

Whether you live in a family home or apartment, it is an adjustment to live on your own. Regular check ins with someone like your family, close friiend or your disability services counselor are important to give you support and see how things are going.

Consider setting up video in your home and a video doorbell. Potential useful products include Google Nest, placing Google Home near your kitchen to test for smoke and carbon dioxide.

Know what to do if there is a water leak. If you have access to it you need to know how to turn off the water. If you have a gas leak or electricity goes out, you call the gas or electricity company. If you are renting know who to call if there is a problem such as something needing to be repaired. You can learn some steps to take. Maintain the fire/smoke alarm. If you have a gas heater or appliances you need to have a carbon monoxide (CO2) monitor.

If you are renting always make your repair request in writing such as in an email so that you have a record of it. This is also important so that if your landlord does not repair it within the time period your local government requires them to, you have proof of when you requested it.

If you’re renting, have the building maintenance or landlord’s phone number and information stored in your phone.

Have your psychologist and doctor's phone numbers or message them through the patient portal in case there is an issue you need to follow up on. Understand that they may not be available the same day. If you are having a medical or mental health crisis, you may need help today. To help you decide who or which place can help you, turn to a trusted support person, such as family or friend.

Have a system for taking your medication to make sure you do take it but the correct amount. Make sure you handle refills promptly, especially for controlled medications that usually require a new paper or e-script prescription each time.

A note to parents: It may be scary to think about your autistic young adult living away from your home in a new environment, but it’s important to build whatever level of independence they are ready for. You can make a plan for supporting them.

Kitchen Safety Tips

Make sure you know how to use your appliances safely, how to keep them maintained and what to do if one of them breaks or stops working. For example, be clear on what is safe to put in the microwave and how to use your stove safely. Cleaning the inside and outside of your microwave regularly helps it last longer and prevents bits of food from building up inside it.

Food safety involves putting your leftover food away within an hour, especially if it has meat or dairy in it which can spoil faster. Knowing what kind of food you can keep for how long in your refrigerator or freezer before it could spoil and cleaning out food that has gone bad will keep you from getting food poisoning. Here is a handy chart from FoodSafety.Gov for safe cold food storage.

It’s helpful to learn what to clean how often in what way to keep your kitchen and rest of your home safe and comfortable. It’s also important to safely store cleaning supplies.

Alcohol, Drugs and Cigarettes

If you choose to use alcohol, drugs or cigarettes, know what the safety rules are. Be sure you know what the laws in your county or state. For example what is the legal age for smoking cigarettes, buying alcholol, and the rules for sharing with other people.

Most importantly, do not drive when you have had alcohol or drugs. Drinking and driving or doing drugs can hurt or kill yourself or others.

Do not try to make a video or a social media post including Tik Tok or Instagram while you are driving.

Understand what the laws are in your state and community about using different kinds of drugs. Using drugs or drinking alcohol can interfere or interact with any prescription medications you take, and could make you sleepier.

Safety Issues and Friendship

Discuss safety issues with people you trust like your family. Such as what to do if your friend suggests something that you are not comfortable with or makes you feel like you are being taken advantage of. How should you respond if someone seems inappropriate?

When a friend or acquaintance asks you to do something, think about whether you want to say yes. While it’s great to be nice and polite, you always have the right to say no. If something someone asks you to do feels wrong or uncomfortable, you always have the right to say no. If something seems odd or off that someone asks you, it’s OK to think about why they were asking you and to say no. Even if you want to be nice because someone is your friend or you want to be your friend, you can say no in a polite way.

Be clear on who it is safe to be alone with and what kind of stranger is safest to interact with if you are in an urgent situation.

You’ll find more information in the Social Communication and Friendship articles in the Milestones Autism Planning (MAP) Tool.

Bullying

Bullying is an incredibly difficult challenge to go through. While we think of bullying as happening to kids, sadly it happens with adults, too. Bullying takes many different forms. For example, not being invited to a party that your fellow students or co-workers were. Someone making you feel uncomfortable focusing on a behavior they may not understand is part of your being autistic. Or even something as minor as a negative emoji on your Instagram post.

Cyber bullying is when it happens online, such as someone making fun of you on social media.

You are not alone. Get professional help from a counselor, therapist or clergy who you feel comfortable with.

Just as we don’t want to be bullied, we need to watch that we not be the one bullying others.

Additional Resources on Bullying

An Autism Perspective on Bullying: Creating a Culture of Acceptance

Phones, Devices and Internet Safety

Keep emergency numbers in your cell phone including for close family or friends you might call in an urgent situation.

Be careful not to share private information in your texts or emails. Do not share financial information with anyone. No banks, credit card companies, utilities or other legitimate companies will ask you for your social security number or financial information by text or email.

Avoid scams, phishing emails or texts. There are different ways hackers use to try to trick people to give them your confidential information such as your bank account, credit card number or social security number. They make it look like the request is coming from a company you trust like the electric company, bank or Amazon. For example, an email saying it’s about your Amazon order or bank account or that you didn’t pay your electric bill and need to pay it immediately.

These are trick emails sent with the goal of getting your financial information. Or to get you to go buy gift cards that they get you to read the serial numbers off of and then they cash in your gift cards. Instead of clicking on links in those emails or texts, go directly to the website of your account and log in there to see if there are any messages.

If you use social media, make sure you understand safety issues like not giving your address and too personal of information. The safest approach is to only share online including on social media information that you wouldn’t mind random people including possible employers to see.

It can be very tempting to buy things online without thinking about how much you’re spending is adding up. Only buy from online stores you are familiar with or that you are confident are legitimate retailers. Keep in mind if you can afford what you are buying, whether it is a good value and something you really need. Set a budget for how much you can afford to spend each week or month and try to stick to it. You’ll find more tips on resisting impulsive buying and other tips in the money management basics article in the MAP Tool.

Understand the danger of social media, emails and texts aimed at taking advantage of someone sexually, especially of women. Never give personal information like your name, address or school name to anyone you do not know.

If you’re meeting someone in person for the first time after meeting them online, meet in a public place. Bring someone with you or let someone know who you trust that you are meeting someone and where you’re meeting as a precaution.

Be aware that there are people on pornography or other online sites that are targeting you for purposes like money that may appear to be or act like your friend.

We will be adding articles about sexuality, dating and relationships to the MAP Tool later in 2022.

Learn ways to use your cell phone and devices for safety, building organizational skills, scheduling, and preparing for things. For example, you can set alarms, set up schedules, watch a video or look at a social story on your device before doing something. Take notes before you meet with someone to prepare. Or afterwards you can make notes about what the person’s name was, something that will help you remember the person with their name like color hair and loves anime.

Emergency Planning

Unexpected things can happen whether to your house, your car or with your health. It helps to have a plan ahead of time when you’re not experiencing the stress of an urgent situation.

For example if you live in an area that gets hurricanes or tornadoes, or if your area gets a lot of snow, keep on hand extra food that does not need to be heated, flashlights, water bottles, extra chargers for your devices and blankets. You’ll want to have supplies at home and some in your car.

Know what to do if you have an electrical power outage. Keep the phone number and website for your electricity company in your phone or on a list that is easy to find.

Try to keep your phone and devices charged regularly as well as cordless battery charger so that if something happens like the electricity goes out your devices still have some power.

Practice what to do if there is a fire. Make sure you stay low as smoke rises. Leave your home quickly. Go to your designated agreed upon location outside of your home so everyone knows you are out of the house safely and where you will be. Call 911.

Make an emergency safety and medical plan for when your home isn’t safe or you need care because of natural disasters, unhealthy relationships, or other crises. If you are still in school your Individualized Education Program (IEP) team can help

In addition to your family, your private providers, therapists or counselor can help you develop your emergency plan including supports you need. Think of it as a “What if” Plan. Most of the time emergencies don’t happen but sometimes they do.

It is so helpful if you have a plan written out. It could be a picture schedule or chart if it helps you have visuals to look at. You could keep one list or schedule taped to a wall and another version in a place you can grab it if you need it and take it with you.

Your emergency plan should include a safe place to go if your home isn’t safe, where other people close to you know you will go if something happens. Make sure you know how to get prescribed medication for more than 30 days. Here’s an example of a checklist when creating an emergency plan for individuals with disabilities.

This emergency plan template from Easterseals provides ideas for what to include, such as diagnoses, medications, contact information for family, therapists and doctors.

For help with concerns about unhealthy relationships, contact your area’s domestic violence hotline (look up the number on your phone or computer), or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, https://ncadv.org/get-help, at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). You may also call your primary care physician and ask to speak with a social worker, or talk with your developmental disability services provider.

We know this is a very difficult topic, but it is vital to get help if you are having thoughts of harming yourself or others. It is important to ask for help. Call the National Suicide Hotline at 800-273-8255 or visit them online at suicidepreventionlifeline.org. We know it can be stressful to make a phone call, so know you can text with them.

If you have a mental health provider you can ask for a crisis appointment, but if they do not have one immediately available, find out if your community has a mobile crisis center. You can also go to the Emergency Room at your hospital.