While as the parent you play an active role in your young child’s social emotional development, daycares, schools, social workers and your pediatrician or other medical providers may help you. If you would like additional support, asking your daycare or school is as simple as talking to your child’s teacher, principal or daycare leader for advice.

Many of these services are low cost or you can use your public or private insurance for them. Some counties may offer mental health services for children under 6 years old.

The Milestones free autism Helpdesk is here to support you, and the Milestones Mental Health Tool Kit and the Mental Health page offer information and advice.

Helping Your Child Learn How to Express Their Feelings

Encourage children to express how they feel. Help them understand and connect their emotions like happy, sad, disappointed or angry with what they mean. Teach them that everyone has different emotions and has a right to feel how they feel.

The longer term goal is to help your child gradually learn what more nuanced feelings mean. For example, the difference between being angry and frustrated.

If your child is nonverbal or has limited verbal skills, they are expressing how they feel through their actions, facial and body expressions and through motions like shaking their head no. Having a meltdown is acting out feelings of frustration as can challenging behaviors.

Children can use feelings cards or charts that show faces with different emotional expressions like happy, sad or mad to share how they are feeling and practice.

You can ask your child’s day care, preschool or kindergarten to help support your child and practice these skills. Some day care centers and schools do social emotional assessments of children and may have practical strategies and suggestions.

Managing Sensory Issues

Start learning together what sensory issues your child experiences. For example, are there sights (ie bright lights), sounds/noises, touches/textures, smells or tastes that really bother or attract them?

What is overwhelming versus calming for your child? Finding soothing strategies and routines help children learn to handle stress and sensory challenges as they grow up, laying the groundwork for adulthood.

Developing healthy sleep and waking up in the morning routines supports feeling good. Does your child sleep well? Do you have a calming routine for going to sleep? The Sleep and Managing Sensory Issues articles in the Milestones Autism Planning (MAP) Tool and the Milestones Sleep Tool Kit give information and tips.

Handling Challenging Behaviors

Sometimes it is hard to tell the difference between behaviors and emotions that are part of being autistic vs the typical stresses of childhood and life. Some life changes are stressful and challenging for any child. It is also possible to have a co-existing condition like ADHD or anxiety. If you as a parent notice something unusual in behaviors, eating or sleep, that may be time to get an evaluation or consult your pediatrician in case it is a warning sign.

For more information, visit the Challenging Behaviors article in the MAP, the Milestones Challenging Behaviors Tool Kit and the Co-existing Conditions web page.

A Note about Safe Touches

As your child gets older, discuss the concept that their body is their own and about body safety and private touching. That no one has the right to touch your body without your permission. As part of that, let your child know it is OK to say no to a hug or kiss including to a relative, just to be polite about it. Share how a doctor, nurse or therapist might touch you and what is appropriate.

Teaching autistic children these nuances of the rules is challenging so it can be easier to start with a concept like they don’t need to hug anyone they don’t feel like hugging. We don't want to accidentally teach that they should hug everyone. Autistic children tend to think literally so keeping it simple is the best way to start.