Learning social communication skills is important to allow your child to express what they want and need and as the first building block to relationships. Communication can look different for each child. Autistic people often start speaking later than neurotypical children. When they speak they may be more literal in how they express their thoughts.
There are lots of ways we communicate as humans. Nonverbal expressions like pointing at something they want, shaking their head yes or no, or having a meltdown can be ways to share what they’re feeling. For autistic children, assistive technology, communication devices or simple sign language can be helpful tools for those who are nonverbal or limited verbal ability to communicate.
We believe everyone needs to have a method of communication. Without communication the result is frustration and challenging behaviors. Behavior is communication.
It can feel overwhelming to help your child learn the basics of social communication, but evidence-based strategies and tools can help. Speech Language Therapy, structured social skills groups and other therapy approaches can be used to gradually teach children communication skills.
For children under three years old, you can get free help from your local early intervention program usually available from your county or city. In Ohio, that is Bright Beginnings for Cuyahoga County, or in any other Ohio county contact helpmegrow.ohio.gov. This Centers for Disease Control and Prevention page on early intervention provides a gateway to each state’s programs. At three years or older, your school system may be able to help with communication and social skills.
Be open to different types of children who have different ways of communicating. Your child’s communication skills will not be negatively impacted by being around children who are not on the same level as them. They will still learn skills such as empathy and leadership. This is part of teaching your children to be welcoming and open to people who are different from them, and how each person is unique and special.
For parents of children who are more impacted, it’s important for children to have the opportunity to have friends, to be with people outside their family and build their skills. Reflect on your own views as a parent and how you can all learn and grow.
Tips to Help Your Young Child Build Social Communication and Social Skills
Use visual supports such as picture charts of different foods or toys to help your child express what they want to eat or play with. Autistic children are often visual learners and respond well to visuals. For more information, check out the Milestones Visual Supports Tool Kit.
A picture schedule breaks out step by step instructions with photos or graphics on something you want to teach like getting ready for preschool or kindergarten, or bedtime or morning routines.
Start social skills/social communication therapy with a speech therapist, psychologist, or social worker who works with autistic children. Consider social skills group opportunities. Speech therapists may specialize in functional communication, which are practical skills like learning how to have a conversation, versus sound and speech production. The Milestones free autism Helpdesk can help connect you to these therapists.
Once your child starts school (even at preschool age), you may be able to request including social communication/skills in your child’s Individualized Education Program (IEP). Milestones can help you find these resources through our Helpdesk or individual or family consultations.
Avoid baby talk like “nom-noms” which are not real words. Saying real words while talking in a sing-song voice can help engage your child. Pronounce your words clearly to help your child gradually learn them.
Talk regularly with your child even if they do not speak. Having a conversation even though it is more one-sided can help engage and teach them. Sing songs with them and leave out words for them to fill in (ie Row, row, row your ______ (pause for them to fill it in, give them the word at first), gently down the ______). This helps build the back and forth of conversation.
Read to your child regularly using lots of different books. Try different kinds of picture books to see what interests them. Work on receptive communication (meaning what they understand) by asking them to point to different things in the pictures. As they get older, you can make up stories together, creating your own characters, or taking ones from favorite books and making up new stories.
Connect with other parents who have been there and can share their experiences. We at Milestones are here to support you and can help you find support resources.
Activities
When you’re doing different activities you can tell your child what you are doing to help them learn. Let your child know where you are planning to go. Tell them what to expect and what they can and can’t do. For example, “We’re going to go to the grocery store and buy things we need to make our next meals, but we won’t be buying candy.” “We are going to the playground for a while to go on the swings until it is time to pick up your brother.” Then as they get used to that approach you can ask things like, "What happens next?"
Build on your child’s interests. It can be difficult to push a child to do something they are not interested in or if there are barriers that make it hard for them to participate.
Keep in mind your child’s challenges including sensory issues when considering different activities or therapies. Look for opportunities open to or geared to children with special needs and speak with the leader to get a sense of how the activity is taught.
For those children who express some interest in other children, it is common to see parallel play (also called side by side play) which means sitting next to someone playing separately. The goal is to encourage and build toward collaborative and pretend play. Don’t be discouraged if this is slow to evolve or isn’t realistic. Just having parallel play can teach your child skills they might not normally learn.
Depending on your child’s interest in other children, encourage friendships through play dates. Or plan activities that can engage both children and practice skills in a social skills/social communication small group setting.
Over time children develop and change at their own pace. This means that what they need today may change next year, as will the kind of providers, activities and interests that will engage them and help them grow.
The Leisure Skills article in the Milestones Autism Planning (MAP) Tool will also give you tips for finding activities that may provide social skill communication opportunities.
