Life & Social Skills

Life & Social Skills

Ages: 7 - 13

Safety at Home and Emergency Planning for Children

Safety at Home and Emergency Planning for Children

Safety Rules and Strategies

Have clear and consistent rules. For example before letting your autistic child heat food in the microwave, make sure they understand what can and can’t go in the microwave. Train and watch them using it properly. A typical challenge we hear about is a child putting a Pop-Tart in the toaster for too long which can quickly cause a fire.

If older siblings are using a skill like microwaving, they are modeling for the younger child, whether intentionally or not. Give concrete rules that one sibling can use the oven but the other can’t.

Be careful when assessing skills for different siblings who are and are not autistic. Make sure it is clear to your child who is allowed to use the stove, microwave and other appliances. For example you might say your older autistic child cannot but your younger neurotypical child can. It should be about skill, stage and safety. Be clear about expectations.

Medication and Cleaning Product Safety

Until your child is at the right age and stage to ensure their safety, store medications as well as cleaners and anything else toxic in a secure, safely locked location away from where children are. A medication safe with a combination is ideal. Pay special attention to toxic items like dishwasher or laundry detergent pods that could look like candy to a child.

Helping Children Learn Important Safety Information

Practice what to do if there is a fire. Teach your child to stay low, leave the house quickly with your family and go to your agreed upon location outside your house so everyone knows you are out of the house safely. Call 911. DO NOT be afraid of fire fighters in equipment coming into the house.

Work with your child to practice learning their phone number, address, their first and last name, and Mom and Dad’s actual name. The first step is learning they have a last name and that Mom, Dad or guardian have a first and last name.

Gradually build up the other knowledge as you can. In the meanwhile, if your child can’t reliably communicate this information, whenever you go out your child needs to have some form of ID, a laminated card or an electronic device that has your information on it. This way if you somehow get separated or they wander off someone can help. You might consider getting your child a state ID if your state offers it for children. Then you can add that your child is autistic and any other comments on the back of their ID.

Keep a recent photo of your child on your phone that you update regularly. If you go somewhere that is larger and more crowded, you could take a photo of your child right there so you have what they’re wearing and how they look in that setting.

Create a safety plan at home in the event you or a caregiver gets sick and the individual is there - do they call 911, get a neighbor?

Self-Care and Self-Advocacy

While we want our children to learn and do the things we want them to, it is important for our autistic children to know it is OK to say no to something that they do not want to do or that is uncomfortable for them. Especially for autistic kids we want to be careful to not inadvertently imply they must say yes or be too compliant, putting them at risk for victimization or bullying.

Discuss the concept that their body is their own and about body safety and private touching. That no one has the right to touch your body without your permission. As part of that, let your child know it is OK to say no to a hug or kiss including to a relative, just to be polite about it. Share how a doctor, nurse or therapist might touch you and what is appropriate.

Learning that masturbation is a natural part of sexuality but should be done in the right place (in private) is important to avoid a situation that puts your child at risk.

Toilet training, wiping themselves and independent bathing reduce their risk of victimization so if your child is still learning basic hygiene make it a priority to work on it. Talk to your child’s pediatrician, therapist, and/or contact the Milestones free autism Helpdesk for assistance. This hygiene article in the Milestones Autism Planning (MAP) Tool and the Milestones Toileting Tool Kit have further information. We will be adding a section about puberty and sexuality to the MAP later in 2022.

Emergency Planning

Make an emergency safety and medical plan for when your home isn’t safe or you need care because of natural disasters, unhealthy relationships or other crises. Work with your Individualized Education Program (IEP) team, private providers or other supports to come up with your “What if” plan. This might include a plan to get prescribed medication for more than 30 days or designate a safe place to go if your home isn’t safe. Here’s an example of a checklist when creating an emergency plan for individuals with disabilities.

For help with concerns about unhealthy relationships, contact your area’s domestic violence hotline (look up the number on your phone or computer), or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE). You may also call your primary care physician and ask to speak with a social worker, or talk with your child’s developmental disability services provider.

If you’re scared your child might harm themselves or others, it is important to ask for help as well. The National Suicide Hotline is suicidepreventionlifeline.org or 800-273-8255. If you are worried your teen might harm others, find out if there is a mobile crisis center in your area, if not then call the police.*

*Milestones acknowledges how dangerous encounters with the police can be. This is work Milestones is doing to improve police interactions with autistic people.

Learning How to Be at Home Alone

Gradually leaving your child alone at home should be handled carefully based on your specific situation and your child's age and stage. It's also important to check whether your city, county or state has a law or regulation for how old a child needs to be for them to be left alone at home.

It’s scary to think about leaving your autistic child alone. Think about the level of independence you think your child is ready for and plan a gradual process.

If you leave your child alone, what does that look like? You can use pictures with a symbol like a big red x on anything you don’t want them to touch like the stove.

Plan for what your child should do in case of an emergency. Call you on your cell phone and if they can’t reach you call one or two people you name who know they are your back ups? Make sure they know how to call police or 911 and when it’s appropriate to do that.

If someone calls, should they answer their phone? If the caller asks if their Mom or Dad is home, what do they say? This may be different if you have a household phone or it is their cell phone. If they will be answering the phone, teach them how to recognize spam phone calls.

Be clear with rules and safety you tell your child such as

  • Do not leave the house while you are alone.
  • No cooking when you are alone.
  • Do not use or touch the stove. Do not put foil in the microwave.
  • Do not walk near the front door or windows (if your child would be easy to see by someone outside or at the front door).
  • Do not come to or open the front door even if someone comes to the door.
  • Never let someone come into the house unless it is someone I told you to let in which I will let you know by _________________. (Use a way that is very clear for your child to understand who and how to know, such as having that person like Grandma texting to let your child know that they are there and that your child should come to the door.)

Using a social story with photos that you could have on a ring that they can flip through could be very helpful. The Milestones Visual Supports Tool Kit provides tips and information, and the Milestones Helpdesk is here for you.

Steps you could take before trying it the first time:

  • Consider setting up video in your home and a video doorbell. Potential useful products include Google Nest and placing Google Home near your kitchen to test for smoke. Make sure you have reliable smoke and carbon monoxide alarms.
  • Set up chimes on your windows and doors.
  • Get to know your neighborhood and go with your child to meet your neighbors. That way if something happens they know your child and your child knows them over time.

Each time, before you leave your child alone write down what time you will be back. Be careful what you tell them. If you say you are going out for one hour, they will take it literally to mean one hour and worry if you’re not back by then.

Testing Them at First

When you first leave your child alone test them to make sure that they’re really following safety rules. Walk down the street like you’ve left the house. Then quietly come back and knock on the door or ring the door bell to test that your child won’t open it.

Start with leaving them alone a very short amount of time and gradually increase it based on how they did.

Not everyone has back up like a family and friends support system, and money to afford video cameras and other equipment. Costs may be covered as part of your teen’s safety plan. The Milestones Helpdesk can help guide you.

Safety and Child Proofing at Home for Those Who Need It

While neurotypical children at this age don’t usually need this type of child proofing, it is important to assess the stage - developmental and maturity - of your child for what level of need you have. Child proof with safety locks and devices until you know your child is at the right stage and age and you are certain they have mastered what to do and not do. Make sure any safety lock doesn’t prevent them leaving a room in case of fire.

Set up a door alarm for all exterior doors so you are alerted if your child tries to leave the house when you’re not looking

You can also put up a sign on all doors from the inside with a stop sign to tell your child -- "STOP. Do not leave the house without Mom/Dad/sibling." Or "Tell Mom/Dad/sibling, I want to go out."

Pay special attention to potential danger zones like the oven and fireplace. In addition to child proofing them, discuss their danger using picture cards, saying, “Ow, hot!” and putting a stop sign symbol near it.

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