Giving your child choices serves as an early opportunity to build self-advocacy. Ask “do you want to do this or that,” but give only a couple of choices at first. Then as your child gets older, builds mastery and selects acceptable choices, you can give more freedom in making choices.

Offer opportunities for your child to state their preferences such as “I like this,” “I don’t like that” (within reason, as long as it does not pose a safety risk). It is important in empowering them and acknowledging your child’s right to have preferences. A child can share a yes or no without using spoken language. For example, a child may turn their hand away or shove with their hands.

Explore ways to teach your child advocacy skills while doing everyday things such as when playing games. If your child misses their turn you could teach them to say, "Hey, it is my turn now" for example.

Give labels to the feelings your child is having such as, “I see you’re upset right now.” It gives your child the feeling that they are accepted, and their perspective understood by others. Ask questions that encourage them to share more but respect when they do not want to. Turn to a therapist or contact the Milestones free autism Helpdesk if you are concerned your child is struggling and needs more help or you are seeking more strategies.

As your child grows older, it is important for them to learn how to ask for help when something is difficult, and that it is OK to say no to something that they do not want to do or that is uncomfortable for them. Especially for autistic children we want to be careful to not inadvertently imply they must say yes or be too compliant, putting them at risk for victimization or bullying.

You can have your child practice saying “No” for example, while blocking the door when someone tries to come in at an inappropriate time. You can teach your child to say, “I need my privacy” as a concept in their bedroom and in the bathroom.

Balance having fun and taking breaks with teaching life skills and doing therapy with your child. School-aged children have most of their day scheduled, while needing to conform to school, adult and peer expectations. Help them learn how to take a break, and share when they need help or feel overwhelmed. Learning to take breaks heads off problem behavior while teaching making smart choices for your child.

As your child develops skills, help them gradually learn to articulate their needs, strengths and what they’re working on. This develops self-awareness and eventually being able to share it with teachers, friends and other professionals to best help them.

Your child can be present in their Individualized Education Program (IEP) meeting or in a discussion with doctors initially just to listen till they grow more skills. Sometimes doctors will pull parents aside, but having your child there makes them a part of the process even if their engagement looks different.

Before a doctor’s visit you can prepare your child with a script to be ready to answer questions like: what foods I like, what activities I enjoy and similarly for an IEP meeting come up with a script or at least the questions for the child to prepare their own answers if that is appropriate.

The annual doctor visit usually includes the same questions - what foods are you eating, what kind of exercise are you getting, what do you like in school, do you have any questions or concerns. Help your child come up with answers in advance so they can participate in the doctor’s visit.

Plan for your child to be in situations that foster self-advocacy, like sleepovers at relative’s or family friends, overnight experiences like special needs camp programs, etc. Start small and expand incrementally. Call the Milestones Helpdesk for ideas. These experiences can be key to preparing your child for living independently (or outside your home) when they are older.

For Families Whose Child is More Impacted

Self-advocacy skills are important for children who are more impacted, based on each child’s strengths, challenges and needs such as:

• If your child can’t express their own perspective verbally you can help model what their preferences are by sharing them stated in their voice as “John likes this, John doesn’t like that.” This models for your child what self-advocacy looks like. It starts by having your child in the room for discussions.
• In a doctor's appointment you can ask your child simple questions like "Which arm do you want the shot in?" or "Would you like a pill or liquid for this medication the doctor wants you to take?" You can use a picture chart to help them express their wishes. You could give your child their medication list to give to the doctor or medical assistant. You can work with your child’s physician to use a simpler pain scale expressed as a visual chart.
• Give your child the option to say yes or no whenever possible using tools like a visual chart with choices or by nodding yes or no. For the bullets above, think about how you could simplify or add more support using tools like a visual chart, or using their assistive device. The Milestones Visual Supports Tool Kit provides helpful information and tips.